1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
its liver damage thursday
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
