I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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