shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
