im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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