We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We got so high we made milksteak
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
