Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
