the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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