she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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