I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
