I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
