I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
