Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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