Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
So squirting runs in the family.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
