Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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