I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
