i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
