I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
