Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
