so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
