I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
