You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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