Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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