can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
