Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
