i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
