Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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