Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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