How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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