Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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