I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
