Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
