You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
