I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize