I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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