Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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