I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
