it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
