I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
