I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There's always time for handjobs
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You are a genius and a whore.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
