so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
