things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
