Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
