I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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