Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
