at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
