You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
