So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
