Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
