My friends, they love my intelligence
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
