hotel room ftw
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
