Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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