Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My pussy is not your playground.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
