I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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