i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
