I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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