You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
