I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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