I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
