what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
