he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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