the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
