I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We left the knife in your bed.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
