You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Redeem this text for a blowjob
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
