if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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