by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
