How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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