She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
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