remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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