So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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