I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
cat food counts as protein by the way
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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