I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize