Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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