maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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