thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
