I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
