i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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