There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
