I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
