You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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