When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
