In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
