i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
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