dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
