ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
