i would punch a child for taco bell
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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