i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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